Why I started MRTT - Surviving the unimaginable

I've been running inconstantly for a few years now ... on after I have a baby and give myself a postpartum period ... then off while pregnant (although looking back I could have still done it) and recovering. I signed up for a few 5k's here and there but was never really serious about training. My father in law inspired me to run. He told me the story how he started because of some problems he was going through and just kept going. To date this man has finished 28 marathons! I would run when I would go visit my in laws but always needed time to stop and rest after about a mile. I was always feeling very torn up after my teeny 5k's.

In December (2012) I was almost 2 years postpartum, almost 200lbs (on my 5'7" frame) and ready to get back into the game. I was once again battling depression and the sudden death of my grandfather compounded those feelings. It was suggested that I try out some anti-depressants, but I knew I had a secret weapon! I started running. ... of course inconsistently again. Until one morning when I got a text that said just a few words that would change my life "Amanda died this morning". I sat and looked at my phone a few times and could not believe it. I was in complete disbelief and shock.

Amanda is my sister in law through marriage (a few of them). My mother in law married my father in law a year after I got married. This amazing man has 3 adult children. Amanda is married to my father in law's oldest son. They had their children about the same time as we had our older two. She is the most bubbly person and loved by all. The twist is I hardly knew Amanda. Of course I met her at my in laws wedding and had heard about things going on here and there. My in laws would go visit them a few times a year since they live in another state. I always wanted to go, but money and timing was not right. I figured I had time..... I figured wrong.

I texted my husband that Amanda had died and I did not have details. My husband was beside himself. He just turned the same age Amanda was and our kids were the same age and it was .... family. He had a difficult time focusing on work knowing that our family was now turned upside down. His thoughts were focused on Amanda's husband and their two little ones. How do you survive loosing someone whom you live for? When he got home from work he would not even discuss it with me. I could see his eyes welt each time I even said her name.

Another twist; it was Amanda's birthday. I never added her as a facebook friend because I was too afraid she would deny it thinking I was weird for even asking. Hind-site now; she would have not even had a second thought of adding me. I visited Amanda's facebook page several times that day looking at the many wonderful friends she had wishing her a happy birthday and saying how thankful they were to have her in their life. I cried every time thinking of how much she meant to so many people. Our family knew, but the world had yet to find out .... a few hours later, I checked her page and the condolences started to roll in. People were in shock and grieving the loss of an amazing woman, wife, mother and friend.

For two days I was in shock wondering how someone who touched so many people lives and was happy ALL THE TIME could pass away but someone like myself who was closed off to everyone, mean all the time and obsessed over very little things, was walking around perfectly healthy.
After my initial two days I started trying to figure out how I could change my life for the better; change my thinking and no longer worry and obsess about everyone and everything. -- to be the best me I could be! Amanda lived her life to the fullest everyday!

I decided to start running everyday to help combat any sorrow I was feeling. I talked to people who (I thought in my crazy mind) did not like me or I would normally be too shy to talk to. I stayed positive throughout times where I would normally withdrawal -- fake it till you make it! and that's exactly what I was doing. I started cleaning out my life of negativity; making new friends that would add color and happiness to my life instead of ones that always brought me down.

I also was looking around for a fitness group to keep me accountable and when I felt down, to help get me on my feet to keep going. I found lots of great local groups, but at the time money was very tight and everything I found cost's quite a bit.   ..... until I came across a group called Moms RUN This Town. I jumped on their main web site and searched for the closest one, which I found in San Jose. I emailed the Chapter Leader that night but was sad to find they do not do runs south of San Jose, which includes my city. MRTT had an option online to start a local chapter if you dont have one, so I jumped in with both feet and my eyes closed!! Instantly I had access to lots of MRTT Chapter Leaders nationwide and had all the support to successfully run my own chapter! I created my Morgan Hill Group on Facebook and started adding all my mommy friends. Some of my friends have been very involved and love it and some have removed themselves from the group. Either way I let them know about it and if it worked for them - great, if not- its okay too!!

About that time we started eating Paleo as well. Changing my diet had so many wonderful effects, but that is a whole post in itself.

I am looking back 3 months down the line at how I made these changes and I am so proud of where I have come from and how far I have gone. The "fake it till you make it" worked!! I no longer feel like I obsess over tiny things I did before. If someone does not like me I know now that it has nothing to do with me because honestly, I am just too awesome not to want to be around! lol!  but seriously, I have lost 30lbs (so far) and even put a few new races under my belt including Big Sur, and some local 10k's! I even had an awesome PR on my last 10k over the Memorial Weekend and beat my first 10k by 6 minutes. I run and no longer feel out of breath or have trouble keeping my pace up for just about the whole run! (another plus of eating right!) Now it is a matter of getting my old body to follow along. As soon I feel an ache or pain, my mind completely focuses in on that area and does not let up. I came up with a game plan for my next 10k coming up on June 8th!!

As far as my grief; I can now acknowledge my sister in law is gone and although we do not have many answers, I can actually talk about it without having to pause or start crying. The one good thing that came of her passing is the fact that I changed my life because of her. Even in her death, she is a positive influence on me. Every race I run, I know she is with me carrying me through and watching over me.

Progress is always nice and I am always a work in progress no matter how far I come!

I know I shared this picture already, but here it is again -- 30lbs down and quite a bit of toning left!  (and again -- thats another post! So much good stuff  to come!!)

Stay tuned for all the goodies to come!!!! I am just getting started!